I’m so happy to have finished the process of “coming out” to the entire world. Burden lifted forever. For the last few people in the planet who don’t know, let me tell you now: Yes, I am proud to be gay, Afghan, American and Muslim. So get over it! Now, I can live life without all the kala jaans & kaaka jaans (aunties & uncles) harassing and pressuring with questions like, “Nematee, tu chura zan nakardee?” Now, no grown-up shall dare ask me why I haven’t married a woman. If they do, I will simply shake my head, snap my finger, toss my hair and tell them I am marrying a distinguished gentleman and in Pashto we call it خاوند “khaawand” (owner, proprietor husband) and if you want to offer your son or nephew for my hand then tell him I want a platinum ring on my finger, a Central Park wedding ceremony and a Manhattan skyscraper rooftop reception afterwards. I have it all planned out. The bespoke lifestyle awaits. Oh yeah!