Once upon a time, there were two Afghan men, one Khorasani gangster turned pagan (pictured on the left) from the Shomali Plain and a former Talib now atheist from Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (pictured on the right) who met one another at an upscale gym in Kabul’s Wazir Akbar Khan district. After an instant spark of chemistry, the bodybuilding pair, both sexually versatile, started dating one another. A few years later after Afghanistan’s gay awakening of 2013, the couple moved in together. They artfully designed their home, bought a cute puppy, got matching tattoos and networked with other gays & lesbians to build their social capital and expand their coalition. When it came time to vote in the 2014 elections, they shed their violent Jihadi roots and opted for Dr. Ashraf Ghani, the “modernizer” candidate endorsed by the LGBT community. After they settled into their post-2014 life, the romantic couple legally married and traveled to Goa, India for their honeymoon; bought their first house and created a beautiful garden complete with a fire pit and water feature; adopted two orphan children and hosted wine & cheese socials, pizza & soda movie nights and beer & barbecue slumber parties. Thanks to US occupation and support from the Velvet Mafia, they live happily after in a harmonious and thriving Afghanistan.